How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family
What's Al Qaeda's favorite sports team? New York Jets.
How do you make a clown stop smiling? You throw an axe at his face.
Kid:Dear Santa send me a brother Santa:Bring me your mother
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
-It was dead
Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree?
- It was stapled to the first one.
Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree?
Did you know Helen Keller had a swing-set in her backyard?
Neither did she.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why was Sally rolling in the grass?
She was on fire.
What's the last thing that went through Sally's mind after falling from a skyscraper? Her ankles.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Cause North Korea's missiles couldn't reach that far.