boy: i don't like you!
girl: if you don't like me remember it's ''mind over matter''
i don't ''mind'' and you don't ''matter''
your just mad because your mum has a bigger dick than you
Friend: -and they lived happily ever after.
Me: Cool story, bro. Wanna hear mine?
Me: Once upon a time nobody gave a f***
Drunk Guy #1: Hey man, you should call me a taxi.
Drunk Guy #2: You sir, are a taxi.
I recently saw a girl standing by a tree and I said "Why so lonely cutie?"
She said "I came here to fart."
What? Sorry, I'm allergic to b*llshit.
Tie your shoes and stop trippin' b*tch.
Guy 1: your a pussy
Guy2: i am what i eat
Guy1: then your a dick
Guy2: i am what i have
why don't you slip into something more comfortable......may i suggest a coma
Guy 1: The world is doomed!
Guy 2: No, it was doomed on your birthday.