you know the small dots on your balls, it's your sperm cells trying to escape because they dont want to make another you

Teacher: Your behaviour is unacceptable.
You: Your face is unacceptable.

man* haven't we met before?
woman* Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic

Boy: Which direction did the 5 gay guys walk
Girl: idk get 5 of your friends and walk in that direction

tell your mom to stop wearing blue lipstick she makes my dick look like a smurf

Me: how does it feel to be born on the highway
Friend: what???
Me: well isn't that were accidents happen

Person: This is seat is so hard!
Me: So is my dick, but your mum didn't complain when she sat on it.

Random Idiot: Spell ICUP
Me: I C U P Blood. You should get that checked out, you might have aids.

DOUCHEBAG: hey did you see that 40 year old virgin movie?
ME: IM LOOKING AT HIM

person: Theres no I in team!
you: but there's certainly a U in Cunt!