I had a friend who was addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

My weed problem is it the bag.

I was wondering why the ball was flying towards my face...

...and then it hit me....

After kissing a girl in back of the gym for several hours I said, "You know, this isn't working out."

GIRL: baby, how much do you love me?
BOY: look up in the sky and count the stars. That's how much
GIRL: awwww *looks up at sky*
but it's morning.
BOY: EXACTLY!!! >:-D

I went to a NY Jets game and I was complaining in the parking lot because they lost. So Mark Sanchez heard and he pinned me up against a wall and threatened me... luckily he fumbled me and I got away...

What did the German teacher say to the Jewish student?
Concentrate

2 antennas met on a roof and got married. The wedding was ok, but the reception was incredible.

guys, stop with the menstruation jokes...Period.

They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.