Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.

The good thing about dating a blind girl is that you don't have to worry about her seeing anybody.

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

I was wondering why that Frisbee was getting bigger.

Then it hit me...

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.
My next crap could spell disaster.

Once I found out masturbating was an addiction, I just knew that I had no choice but to beat it.

Is google a woman?

Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

Stop it with the gay jokes, cum on guys.

There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...