How does hitler tie his shoes?
In little nazis!!

I hate when I’m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.

Me: Knock knock
Friend: Who's there
Me: Dick
Friend: Dick whoo
Me: Haha look, a gay owl

Many are called, but it's only few that has airtime to call back. #Hiba

Woman spelt backwards is kitchen.

.....guy gets pulled over by a cop
cop;sir,do you know how fast you were goin?
man:no
cop:well you were goin 86 mph.
man:LIKE A BOSS,BITCH
.....drives off

Mummy, I've found a fake hundred.
- How do you know that it is false?
-because it had three zeros at the end!

*speeding*

cop:pull over!!!

me: *pulls over*

cop:do you know why i pulled you over?

me:yes!!! do you?

(I’m at the college IT support office to fix a bug on my laptop and find all the employees looking bored. I walk up to one of them and he pays no attention to me whatsoever.)

Me: Excuse me. I’ve got a problem with my laptop.

IT Support Guy: *incoherent mumbling*

Me: Sir?

IT Support Guy: *while not looking at me* How long ago did you buy the device?

Me: Uh… well, I got it at the beginning of the semester.

IT Support Guy: Have you tried to reset it?

Me: I haven’t even told you the problem yet.

IT Support Guy: That doesn’t work? Okay. Can you tell me the manufacturer of the device?

Me: It’s [computer brand]. But sir, I—

(He proceeds explaining all kinds of stuff which is clearly not directed to me. He finally turns to me; it turns out the entire time I thought he was just leaning his head on his hand, he wasn’t. He was talking on the phone to someone else and is now looking annoyed.)

IT Support Guy: Can’t you see I’m on the phone?

Me: Sorry!

when you go to a party find the ugliest girl and when she starts to look hot, go home, alone