I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: "Thanks for coming."
Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. You aint nothin but a hoe. You think your cute, you think your classy. Newsflash b*tch your f*cking nasty.
A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years. He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed. He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there. Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes into the bathroom. The man whispers to his wife "Honey this man is an escaped convict look at his clothes. He probably hasn't seen a young woman in years, I saw the way he kissed your neck, so do whatever he says of he might kill us be strong honey love you." The wife leans over and whispers "He wasn't kissing my neck he whispered in my ear that he was gay and thought you were cute. So he asked if we had any lube, I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey love you too."
The real reason women will never be the ones to propose:
As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.
My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
A little boy walks in on his parents having sex, his dad says Jacob please leave me and mommy are trying to make you a brother or sister and, the child replies. Daddy do her doggy style I want puppies.
My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her.
Girl Cop: "You have to right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be used against you."
Friend: dude tomorrow is my girlfriend's birthday... what should i give her?
Me: give her your dick
Friend: idiot... i want something big for her..
Me: give her my dick then :D