Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

Why is gay marriage an issue? Because people are f*cking assholes.

I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper's jammin' again.

When you're walking into the bathroom you're American.

When you're walking out of the bathroom you're American.

What are you when you're inside the bathroom?

European.

Where do TVs go on vacation?
To remote islands!

If women from the south are called southern belles, are women from Mexico called taco bells?

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I'm outstanding.

A book just fell on my head.
I've only got my shelf to blame.

Why can't a bike stand on it's own?
Because it is two tired.