Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you have ever tasted

Chuck Norris took the 5 o'clock train home...

He refuses to give it back.

Chuck Norris isn't even that great. If he was so great, he would come up behind me right now and slam my head on the keybswuhowdbfoecn ejefj cjehcefj.

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra ....

After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra

Eventually died

2 cowboys and Chuck Norris were sitting at a campfire, while arguing who was the manliest.
Cowboy 1: I'm manlier, i killed a bull by punching away before it charged at me!
Coqboy 2: I'm manlier because i fought off an entire indian tribe worh my bare hands!
Chucks just chuckled at them, and continues to stoke the fire with his penis.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Before going to bed, the Boogeyman always checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.

At Night.

They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.