American kid- "You're from the UK? Cool! So do you have tea with the queen?"
British kid- "Do you go to McDonalds with Obama?"

Guy: Baby i would go to the end of the world for you.
Girl: But would you stay there?

"Haha you can't even think of a good comeback."
"If I wanted my cum back I'de take it off your mom's chin"

Officer : - "Please step out of the vehicle sir."
Me : - "Nah, you're all right I'm too drunk, you come in.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your ass looks fine and so do you
I took you to my place
And everything was fine
Then I said, "I'll be the six if you be the nine."
So it started out nice
We ended up in bed
Everything got hard so I showed her my head
So we were under the blankets
It was hot so I was about to smuther
I lifted up the blanket and found out it was your mother.

Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

People: "I love it when my boyfriend tells me he loves me." Me: "I love it when my microwave tells me my food is ready."

I have met some pricks in my day but YOU sir are the f*cking cactus

Teachers: Where's your homework

Student: At home having more fun than me

Teacher:You failed your test.
Me:You failed to educate me.