"You're cute when you're mad."
"Yeah, well I'm about to get really freakin' adorable"

Show off: I tattooed my name on my forehead so girls know what to scream when I bang em
Me: you have a pretty bad mother if she still hasn't learned your name yet

Friend 1: Thank you, Captain Obvious!

Friend 2: Your welcome, Sergeant Sarcasm!

Friend 1: Indeed, Comrade Comeback!

Friend 2: Thank you, Senior Smartass!

Friend 1: Anytime, Dictator Dickhead!

Twinkle Twinkle little slut

Name a guy you haven't f*cked

Was he skinny, was he tall

Nevermind you did them all

Twinkle Twinkle little b*tch

Close your legs it smells like fish

Guy: Haha your a fail
Me: Just like your dad's condom and your mom's abortion

Bitch, I'm not insulting you I'm describing you!

Boy:Will you marry me?
Girl:No!
Boy:Please, I really want to be a part of you!
Girl:Sorry, I already have an asshole.

Boy: Will you marry me?

Girl: Sorry, I am a lesbian.

Boy: What’s a lesbian?

Girl: I like to sleep with girls.

Boy: haha really? I am also lesbian!

Hey man I'm dating your ex now
Cool, I'm eating a sandwich...... You want those leftovers too?

Bully: nice skinny jeans, you and my sister can match
You: oops, looks like I grabbed the wrong ones after we f*cked last night