Your parents always say learn from your mistakes .... So why do they have more than one kid

People probably won't remember what you do or say, but they'll never forget that one time you banged a fatty.

I gotta go to work today cause millions of people on welfare depend on me.

Always love a woman for her personality. She has ten you can choose from.

Your family tree must be a cactus, 'cause everyone on it's a prick.

i'm not a virgin, I get screwed by the government everday.

I should've known that it wasn't gonna work out between me and my ex girlfriend. After all, I'm a Scorpio and she's a b*tch.

My style can be described as “This smells clean” with a touch of “did anyone see me wear this yesterday?”

My vacuum cleaner broke. I put a Dallas Cowboys sticker on it, and now it sucks again.

LMAO means Lick My Anal Opening. You're welcome.