Sometimes I text and drive. I know it's dangerous, but I do stupid things when I'm drunk.

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well he actually said "less McDonald's" but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant.

There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable...

How come the glue dosent stick to the inside of the bottle?

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

If the zombie apocalypse happens in Vegas... will it stay in Vegas?

Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It's just part of being a dentist.

That awkward moment your boss catches you answering phones with a British accent when your bored..

We call her "magnet" because she attractive from the back and repulsive from the front.

Hummingbirds are just regular birds who can't remember the lyrics.