Capitalization is the difference between helping your Unlce Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse..

Summer is officially coming to an end and you know what that means... all you half naked ladies are going to have to find a personality.

I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scanned it.

I'm naming my TV remote Waldo for obvious reasons.

If only God can judge us than Santa has some explaining to do.

Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.

This vodka tastes a lot like I'm not going into work tomorrow.

Welcome to America- Where being obese is genetics but being gay is a choice.

It's always good to spread happiness, so smile at a stranger today.
Or flash them your boobs, strangers love boobs!

FUN FACT: If you bring a gun to the pharmacy, you can get drugs without a doctor's prescription.