I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That's it. No more reading!

Wow, it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen.

Men are like babies... when they get cranky, just shove a nipple in their mouth!

Attention Walmart Shoppers: Dress for the body you have, not the body you want.

I don't always have time to study, but when I do, I don't.

I have so much debt, I can start a government.

I get my cereal from a tiger, insurance from a gecko, toilet paper from a bear, financial advice from a gorilla. It's people I don't trust.

If you get offended by the jokes and comments on here, go ahead and blame your parents... for raising a pussy.

Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 2 seconds, but instead, I'm gonna run it over 100 times with my vacuum at different angles.

That annoying moment when your Capri Sun refuses to lose it's virginity.