It's funny how axe handles are made of wood.
It's like the ultimate 'Fuck you' to trees.

Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.

Never make an arm wrestling bet with a man that has been single for longer than 6 months.

I'm not saying your stupid, i'm just saying that you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.

Dentists make money off of people with bad teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

That awkward moment when you realize that "Hakuna Matata" is the PG version of I don't give a f*ck.

There's a fine line between tan and looking liked you rolled around in Doritos.

The sad moment when you return to your ordinary life after watching an awesome movie.

When the zombie apocalypse finally happens, I'm moving to Washington D.C. I figure the lack of brains there will keep the undead masses away.