Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:08 in Short  Favorites
Ask someone to watch your bag for you. But don't actually leave it just stay there and stare at your bag with your new friend.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:07 in Short  Favorites
I exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors.
Jehovah's fitness.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:05 in Short  Favorites
What concert only costs 45 cent? 50cent plus nickel back
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:04 in Short  Favorites
Fortune cookie:You are what you eat.
Person:Thats funny I dont remember eating a sexy beast today.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:04 in Short  Favorites
Me. How do you celebrate Columbus Day?

Friend. How?

Me. You walk into someone's home and say you live there.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:03 in Short  Favorites
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things...

1) You tried your best.

2) I don't like pickles on my BigMac.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:01 in Short  Favorites
Don't worry, shit happens. I mean, look at you!
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:01 in Short  Favorites
You want to know what its like to have a fourth kid? Imagine you're drowning, and then someone hands you a baby...
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:00 in Short  Favorites
School:2+2=4

Homework:2+4+2=8

Exam: John has 3 Apple's,his train is 7 minutes early,calculate the mass of the Sun. Next question.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:04:59 in Short  Favorites
Sure Mexico, you may have temporarily stolen our crown as fattest country... but just wait until the Twinkies come back!
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