I just got my boyfriend a 'get better soon' card.
He isn't sick, I just think he can get better.

Girls on menstruation: Day1: Don`t touch me. Day 2: Hold me. Day 3: Don't talk to me. Day 4: Why won' t you talk to me. Day 5: You never understand me

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Don’t you hate it when you’re typing something and you’re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were titties.

What does a rubik's cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What do constipated people say?
"I wanna scream and shout, and let it all out"

Eventually the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.

"So how can we make the Xbox 360 better this time around?"
"Minus 359"
"That's f*cking brilliant Jim"

Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?"



A: It hasn't come out yet.

The Cell Phone Restaurant Challenge:

Phones must be stacked in a pile during a meal. The first person to check their phone pays the bill.