Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
He's for me,
Not for you,
If by chance,
You take my place,
I'll take my fist, And smash your face.

I've noticed people don't like when you smack kids in public places for acting out. Especially when they're not your own.

Just tried to kill a spider with some Axe Body Spray but it survived and is now trying to make inappropriate sexual advances towards me.

When you are single, all you see are couples. When you are part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

I went to walmart today and asked customer service for gta v. She was confused so i told her that it was a game with a black guy who crashed his car, sleeps with prostitutes, and attacks ppl with his golf club. She came put later with Tiger Woods PGA 2010.

That frustrating moment when your almost done with your cereal and the last five pieces are like, "Haha! catch me if you can"

Roses are red violets are blue god made me pretty, What the Fu** happened to you?

The only 2 states to have legal Marijuana are Colorado and Washington. The 2 best NFL teams are Seattle and Denver. Coincidence? I think not!

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Instead, there would just a bunch of countries not talking to each other.

"Hey Daddy there's a lady jogging over there."
Sorry son, we need room in the trunk for groceries but good eye, son, good eye.