SON: How does a vagina looks likes, dad?
DAD: Well, it's pink, soft,tight.
SON: How about after sex?
DAD: Have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise?

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

For my next magic trick.

I'll turn this set of tits into a motorboat.

I would do things to you that your memory foam matress would try to forget.

Whats the difference between a toilet and a girl?

A toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you drop a load in it.

"Daddy, do butterflies have really small penises?"
Parenting books didn't prepare me for that and I am NOT Googling butterfly dicks.

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.



Doctor: What was the problem?



Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing.



Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!



Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

Your moms like a bowling ball
She gets picked up,fingered, Thrown in the gutter and comes back for more

if you cant afford porn just turn on tennis and close your eyes

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"