”Smells fresh. Like a tropical island.”
"Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"

one day a little boy and a little girl were taking a bath because they didn't know what anything meant yet. The little girl looked down and saw the boys penis and asked "what's that?". The boy said "i don't know i will ask my daddy.". And then the boy looked down and saw her vagina and asked "what's that?". The girl said "i don't know, i will ask my mommy.". So they both go home and ask there parents.
The boy said "daddy what's this?". His dad said "son that's your car, you try and put it in a girls garage.". The boy said oh and ran upstairs to play.
The girl said "mommy what's this?'. The mom said "honey that's your garage, you don't let boys park there cars in there.". The girl said "oh." and ran upstairs to play.
The next day the little boy and girl were takink another bath and told eachother what there parents said. The boy remembering what his dad said tried to put his 'car' in her 'garage'.
A couple minutes later the girl ran home crying with blood all over her. The mom said "honey what happened?!?!?". The girl said "a boy tried to put his car in my garage so i slit his back tires!!!".

Two preists were in the showers. One of the preist gets out to get spme soap when three nuns walk in. The preist instantly freezes hold a bar of soap in each hand. "what a life like statue" syays one of the nuns and they all start feeling the preist all over. One nun pulls his dick and he drops a bar of soap. " And its a soap despencer as well!" the nun says. the second nun pulls his dick and he drops another bar of soap. the thrid nun pulls his dick and nothin happens. she pulls again this time harder but still nothing happens. she pulls his dick again and again until at last she says "and its a moisturiser!!!"

I'm not saying she's a whore, but she's been pounded more times than the "i" in Pixar.

What do the mafia and pussy's have in common?
One slip of the tounge, and you're in deep shit..

Do you wanna here a joke about my penis? Never mind. Its too long.

Q: Why is anal sex like a microwave?

A: Both can brown your meat without cooking it

Gay marriage and straight marriage are like Bra's and Bikini Tops... Really the same, but one is acceptable in public.

Even though this isn't a petting zoo, you can still stroke my cock if you want.

A guy named bob works at a deli. One day he goes to his doctor and says "Doc, I really want to stick my dick in the pickle slicer" The doctors responds with "No dont it will hurt and you will never lose your virginty! "Hey I have had sex before" And with that he leave's. The next day bob comes back and says "Doc I did it" The doctor says"well are you ok?" "Im fine but I was fired" "what about the pickle slicer?" The doctor asks "she was fired to!