A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

What does Disney world and Viagra have in common? You wait an hour for a two minute ride.

If you jingle my bells, I can promise you a white christmas.

A guy walks into a dry cleaner to pick up his clothes and the cashier says, ''Come again.''

The guy says: "Nah, this time it was ketchup."

Casual, but fun. Casual butt fun. That extra 't' can change your night.

Dad: Hey son, how much feet do two chickens have?
Son: Four.
Dad: How much teeth do two cats have?
Son: I dunno.
Dad: Strange, you know more about cock than pussy.

Friend: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
Me: The best ones squirt when you eat them.

Do you want to hear a clean joke?
I'm taking a bath with bubbles.
Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.

A guy walks into a bar and he sees another guy with a little head, so little a melon is bigger. He sees the guy buying everyone 3 rounds of drinks, so he walks up to him. And asks, "I appreciate you buying us drinks but why is your head so small?" The guy replied, "We'll I was stranded on an island last week for 3 days and as I was walking down the beach I saw a mermaid and she said she'll grant me 3 wishes. My first wish was to be rescued! So helicopters and ships showed up. My second wish was to be the richest man on earth so my bank account shot up and made me a trillionaire." The man paused. The other man asked, "What was your 3rd wish?" The man answered, "I didn't know what to ask for so I looked at the mermaid and said, "I want to f* you." She replied, "You can't f* me I'm a mermaid?" So I told her, "How about a little head!"

If dicks were airplanes your mouth would be an airport.