Honey... You're nothing but a door knob... Everybody gets a turn...

You better not pout you better not cry
you better not scream im going in dry :3

Did I tell you the joke about my dick? never mind its too long.

What did the Banana say to the vibrator?? Why are you shaking, they are going to eat me........

Q:Why do farts stink? A:So that Deaf people can enjoy them too.

Two condoms are walking down the street when they walk by a gay bar. One condom says to the other, "Hey man, you wanna get shit-faced?"

A girl has a sleepover with 3 guys. Then her dad comes down and paints her vagina purple. He tells the boys,''I'm going to sleep. When I come back i'm going to check and see if any of you had sex with my daughter.'' An hour later, he wakes up and checks everybody. When he checks the first two boys their penises are purple so he knows they had sex with his daughter. When he checks the last guy his dick is clean. The dad says ''Good job.''
When the third boy opens his mouth to say thanks, his mouth is purple!

I hate auto correct; accidentally sent my grandmother a text saying "sex tomorrow?" I meant today...

Tip for giving a great hand job: Use your mouth.

Guy - I'd like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom please.
Cashier - Sir, that is a sleeping bag
Guy - *winks at cashier continually until she finishes her shift*