Have you been shopping lately? They're selling lives at the mall. You should go get one.

"Yes officer?"
"I noticed your vehicle swerving quite a bit back there."
"I've had eight beers sir."
"That's no reason to let your wife drive."

Teacher: Ok class, whats your favorite element?

Me: THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE!

*karate chops her to the floor*

She has a serious facial condition. It's called ugly.

Rumors? Impressive b*tch at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.

Math is like a pussy, you'll never get it!

Girl: What are you doing?

Boy: Nothing much, but do you smell something?

Girl: No?

Boy: Niether do I, now start cooking.

Teacher: why do I hear talking?
Me: because you have ears!
Class: OOOOHHHHH!!!!!

Weirdoe "I'm bringing sexy back!"
Me "Your the reason sexy left!"

Me: I love you. Her: Can you be a little more original? Me: I love you®