*me and my causin playing a game*
CAUSIN:how do you punch?
causin:because i want to know!
me :why
causin:cause i want to be the best
causin:oh god...WHY!
(I work at a Russian-owned coffee shop. One day, I return from a smoke break and the phone rings; the owner answers.)
Owner: Allo? Da… Da… Nyet… Nyet… Da… NYET! Goodbye!
(The owner then walks over to me and tells me the following…)
Owner: Customer call. He says you smoke outside of shop. He doesn’t like it. If he says anything to you, you look at him and you say, ‘F*** YOU!’
I know 10 facts about you:
Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it. Fact 4: You're smiling. Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again. Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5. Fact 8: You just checked it. Fact 9: You're smiling again. Fact 10: You like this and you're going to rate or comment. :)
Son: "Hey Mom"

Mom: " What?"

Son: "I like dick"

Mom: "WHAT?!?!?!?!"

Son: "Oh im sorry, i mean Rick"

Mom: "He does have a good dick"
There are two brothers, a younger one and an older one. They are both trouble makers and when anything bad happens in their neighbourhood they get the blame for it.

The mum got so annoyed when she heard about a man who made prisoners good she sent her sons to him, one at a time.

The younger one went to his house first. The man said "where is god". The little boy didn't answer so he said it louder "where is god" the boy started to cry and whimper in his chair. The man said it a lot lot louder, practically shouting it.

The boy was then found by his older brother hiding in his closet. The older brother said " what did he do to you?"

The little brother replied "gods gone missing and they think we've done it!"
A white boy and a black boy are arguing whether god is black or white

So the white boy says:Let's ask god! So the white boy looks at heaven and says GOD! ARE YOU BLACK OR WHITE? so GOD says:Well boys I am what I am. So the white boy says:Proved it! GOD is white! So the black boy says:How did you know? The white boy says:Obviously GOD is white because if he was black he would've said:I iz what i iz!
There was a boy who couldn't say words properly, but his mum still trusted the boy to go shopping.
"son i need you to buy us a bun, a bucket and a cocker spaniel"
the boy said "ok be right back"

So the boy went to the bakery store and he went to the man in the front and asked "sir do you have a bum?" the man said " you mean a bun?"
and the boy said "yes a bum." so he bought it and moved on to the next store, he asked the man working there, "sir can i have a f*cket?" and the man said "ohh~~ do you mean a 'bucket'?" and so the boy doesn't bother and says "yes, a f*cket..."
He goes to the pet store and asks "Do you have a cock and spankit?", the owner said, "excuse me? do you mean a cocker spaniel" the boy just says "yes a cock and spankit..." so recieved all of the items that his mum told him to buy.

He moves onto the bus stop waiting for the bus, a woman was next to him smiling to him nicely, finally the bus came, he entered the bus and noticed he was missing an item, he was missing the cocker spaniel, it was still at the bus stop, so he says to the woman "excuse me, Can you hold onto my bum and f*cket, while i get my cock and spankit...."
Q:How do you get 10 jews into a car? A:Throw a dime inside.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Tell them hitler is driving
Once there was an horse.If someone rides on to it and says "Motherf*cker"than it runs like nobody can catch it and to stop it has to say "Bitch".

A man comes up there looking at the horse decides to get a ride so sits on it and says "motherf*cker" than he goes down the hill across the hill suddenly he realized that there was a cliff on the way immediately not stopped then he'll fall from the cliff.

With nervousness he forgets how to stop it somehow he remembers and stop it while the horse back two legs was only on the ground other two were hanging at the edge.

Takes a deep breath and says-Almost died Motherf*cker
There is 2 priests in the bathroom together,

One priest looks over and see's a nicatine patch on hes penis,

And say's does that really work ?

The other priest say's yeah im down to 2 buts a day