What concert only costs 45 cent? 50cent plus nickel back
Me. How do you celebrate Columbus Day?
Friend. How?
Me. You walk into someone's home and say you live there.
Fortune cookie:You are what you eat.
Person:Thats funny I dont remember eating a sexy beast today.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things...
1) You tried your best.
2) I don't like pickles on my BigMac.
You want to know what its like to have a fourth kid? Imagine you're drowning, and then someone hands you a baby...
Don't worry, shit happens. I mean, look at you!
School:2+2=4
Homework:2+4+2=8
Exam: John has 3 Apple's,his train is 7 minutes early,calculate the mass of the Sun. Next question.
i called you're boyfriend gay so he slapped me with his purse
Sure Mexico, you may have temporarily stolen our crown as fattest country... but just wait until the Twinkies come back!
What type of grades did Hitler get in school?
Not C's