Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:46 in Short  Favorites
Son: dad dad a kid told me I am gay
Dad: well kick his ass
Son: oooh nooo he is so cute
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:45 in Short  Favorites
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:44 in Short  Favorites
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:43 in Short  Favorites
Q: Why cant whores count to 70?

A: Because 69 is a mouth full.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:43 in Short  Favorites
That moment when you're talking a test and you want everyone to know you're ahead so you flip the page as loud as possible.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:42 in Short  Favorites
Dinosaurs are just lies fed to us to cover up the existence of pokemon
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:41 in Short  Favorites
The school called me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies".

"Well tell him he's f*cking good" I replied, "I ain't got any kids!"
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:40 in Short  Favorites
Cashier: Are you going to buy these?



Me: No, I'm going to steal them, I just wanted to show you first
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:39 in Short  Favorites
Congratulations!
By reading this you've won a lifetime supply of air. Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:38 in Short  Favorites
Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.
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