A man shouts out to a blonde on the other side of a river and says " How did you get to the other side?"
The blonde replies by saying "You are on the other side"

What My Blonde Friend Did

She called me to get my phone number.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She sat on the TV and watched the couch.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She tried to drown a fish.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
If you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here" she put "Sagittarius."
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
She studied for a blood test.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
-The Awesome 1

how do you keep a blonde busy for 7 hours.





put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

what do you call a blonde with pig tails?

a blowjob with handlebars.

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.



“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”



“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.



“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.



“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”



“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.

A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

Why is a blonde like a railway track?

She gets laid all over the country.

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.

"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five f*cking times."

What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? "Omg, donut seeds!"