Two condoms are walking down the street when they walk by a gay bar. One condom says to the other, "Hey man, you wanna get shit-faced?"

If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life sucks then you better brace yourself.... Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildo.

How do you know when a machanic has had sex?.. Two of his fingers are clean.

Three guys went to a skiing lodge and asked for a room the clerk says "Oh sorry we are out of rooms we only have one available" one of the guys says "Thats fine we can share". So during midnight the guy on the very left woke up saying "Dude i had a wiered dream that i was having a handjob", the guy on the right side woke up saying the same thing, then the gun in the very middle woke up saying "Thats funny i had a dream that i was sking" :p

Boy sees his mother in the shower and asks, "what's that red gash between your legs?" She answered "that where your daddy's chopper hit me" the boy said "oh what a shot, right in the cunt."

What's got 150 teeth and holds back the hulk?
My zipper!!*

The government is bisexual, they f*cked everyone.

Non-Alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin...
Sure it tastes the same, but it just ain't right!

Worst way to ask for anal:

"Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"

Why is the Easter Bunny Hiding his Eggs.... Because hes Ashamed He Fucked a Chicken