another name for a vagina is a cockpit

A kid went to the police department to report about his stolen bicycle.
OFFICER: Are you suspicious about anyone who would steal it?
KID: My parents, I guess. Because in the night I heard dad saying:
"Hump on it before Derek wakes up!"

Whats the difference between a dead prostitute and your job?
Your job still sucks.

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

Are you good with kids?

Cause I'm about to turn your mouth into a day care.

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence

A guy walks into a bar and he sees another guy with a little head, so little a melon is bigger. He sees the guy buying everyone 3 rounds of drinks, so he walks up to him. And asks, "I appreciate you buying us drinks but why is your head so small?" The guy replied, "We'll I was stranded on an island last week for 3 days and as I was walking down the beach I saw a mermaid and she said she'll grant me 3 wishes. My first wish was to be rescued! So helicopters and ships showed up. My second wish was to be the richest man on earth so my bank account shot up and made me a trillionaire." The man paused. The other man asked, "What was your 3rd wish?" The man answered, "I didn't know what to ask for so I looked at the mermaid and said, "I want to f* you." She replied, "You can't f* me I'm a mermaid?" So I told her, "How about a little head!"

What's a rapist's favorite day? hump day

If dicks were airplanes your mouth would be an airport.

One girl was getting raped and she threatened to call the cops he said ok go ahead let's see who cums first