Me: Hey girl can you spell the word me?
Girl: Yes I can, M-E, Me.
Me: you forgot the D.
Girl: There's no D in "Me".
Me: Not yet...

Are you good with kids?

Cause I'm about to turn your mouth into a day care.

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence

Do you want to hear a clean joke?
I'm taking a bath with bubbles.
Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

What does Disney world and Viagra have in common? You wait an hour for a two minute ride.

If you jingle my bells, I can promise you a white christmas.

A guy walks into a dry cleaner to pick up his clothes and the cashier says, ''Come again.''

The guy says: "Nah, this time it was ketchup."

Casual, but fun. Casual butt fun. That extra 't' can change your night.

Dad: Hey son, how much feet do two chickens have?
Son: Four.
Dad: How much teeth do two cats have?
Son: I dunno.
Dad: Strange, you know more about cock than pussy.