A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "$5".



The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife". The guy looks all confused then asks "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?" The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".

Girl: How much do you love me?

Boy: E,F,G,H,I,J,K

Girl: What does that mean?

Boy: Entertaining, Gorgeous, Hot, Intelligent

Girl: What does J, K, mean?

Boy: Just Kidding Bitch!

Girl: -_-

Today I got beaten by a woman. I was in the elevator when that busty thing got in. I was staring at her tits, when she said, would you please press 1? I did. I don't know why I got beaten afterwards.

Q: What did one saggy titti tell to another saggy titti?
A: If we don't get help, people are going to think we're nuts.

As I was running my fingers through my hair, I thought to myself... I really need to shave my ass.

Boy: Did that hurt?
Girl: What?
Boy: When you fell off your whore tree and banged every guy on your way down?

A husband and wife are trying to setup a new password for there computer. The husband puts "mypenis" and the wife starts laghing because the computer says "ERROR: NOT LONG ENOUGH"

Girl: Those f**king mosquitoes won't stop eating me up!
Boy: Well, tell them to let me have a turn.
Girl: What?
Boy: What?

Is 'Pussylips' one word, or should I spread them apart?