A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn comes in to take a piss. Well, the man cant help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised, "bubba, whats your secret?" Bubba says"well, every night before i go to get in bed with a woman i whack my dick on the bedpost three times." So the man decides to try it that very night. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes.up and says"bubba, is that you?"

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "$5".



The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife". The guy looks all confused then asks "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?" The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".

As I was running my fingers through my hair, I thought to myself... I really need to shave my ass.

Boy: Did that hurt?
Girl: What?
Boy: When you fell off your whore tree and banged every guy on your way down?

A husband and wife are trying to setup a new password for there computer. The husband puts "mypenis" and the wife starts laghing because the computer says "ERROR: NOT LONG ENOUGH"

Girl: Those f**king mosquitoes won't stop eating me up!
Boy: Well, tell them to let me have a turn.
Girl: What?
Boy: What?

Is 'Pussylips' one word, or should I spread them apart?

That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer.
Killer: "Turn down that dark road down there."
Rapist: "I was planning on it..."

Girl: How much do you love me?

Boy: E,F,G,H,I,J,K

Girl: What does that mean?

Boy: Entertaining, Gorgeous, Hot, Intelligent

Girl: What does J, K, mean?

Boy: Just Kidding Bitch!

Girl: -_-

Today I got beaten by a woman. I was in the elevator when that busty thing got in. I was staring at her tits, when she said, would you please press 1? I did. I don't know why I got beaten afterwards.