girl: mom is it true that a baby comes out from the place the guy puts in his cock?
mom: yes honey
Girl: OMG so you mean my baby will come out of my mouth???

Friend 1: Hey, Are you allowed in your moms room?

Friend 2: Yeah. why?

Friend 1: Good, can you grab my pants?

Me: I stopped a girl from getting raped today.
Friend: Really!? How?
Me: Self control bro, self control.

How fast can you guess these words?
1._ _ _ k
2._ _ndom
3.d_ck
Answers:
1. book
2. random
3.duck
You didn't get them right you dirty minded slut!

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex you dress yourself.



Moral of the story: No one helps you once you're f*cked.

Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church... everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

Teacher: Can you use harassment in a sentence?
Student: Her mouth said no but her ass meant YES.

I would kick you straight in the vagina...

If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.

A beautiful woman walks into a doctor's office and the doctor is bowled off by how stunningly awesome she and his professionalism goes right through the window.
He tells her to take off her pants and starts rubbing her thigh, he asks her do you know what I'm doing? Yes she said, checking for abnormalities. He tell her to take off he bra and starts rubbing her boobs,he asks her do you know what I'm doing? Yes, she said checking for cancer. He tells her to take of her underwear and starts having sex. He tells her do you know what I'm doing? She said "Yes getting AIDS

A pregnant woman got shot 3 times and recovered, but the bullets were never found. Later she had triplets, two girls and one boy.



Many years later, the first girl came up to her mom and told about how she peed out a bullet.



The next day the second came up and the mother said, "Lemme guess, you peed out a bullet too." She was right.



The next day her young boy came up to his mom and says, "Mom, I'm so ashamed of what just happened" The mother replied, "Aw, honey, it's alright, your sisters peed out a bullet too, it's nothing to be ashamed of."



"No, that's not it" he said. "I was rubbing myself, and I think I shot the dog"