Firend: tell me a clean joke.

Me: ok, i took a bath with bubbles.

Friend: now tell me a dirty joke.

Me: ok, bubbles is the girl next door. ;)

Nothing spreads easier than butter, except for yo mommas legs.

A little boy went to a whore house and asked to buy a girl for the night but first he asked do any of them had a disease the woman behind the counter replied no and he said thats bullshit my dad said amber has herpes she said I guess thats true he said well then good I'll take her last door on the right she replied the boy went to the room amber said why do you want me the boy said because then I'll get herpes and I'll have sex with my babysitter because she likes little boys my dad will take her home and f*ck her then he'll get herpes then he'll f*ck my mom and get herpes then she'll f*ck the mail man and he'll get herpes and hes the one who ran over my dog

I think "dildo" is an acceptable insult.
Like I'd call you a dick, but you're not real enough.

What do you call a girl who does not masturbate?
A liar

Girl: I wear heels bigger than your dick.
Boy: I wear Vans cleaner than your pussy.

Boyfriend: Hey, there are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?
Girlfriend: 26...
Boyfriend: Oh yeah, I forgot u r a q t.
Girlfriend: But that's only 25? Boyfriend: I know. I'll give you the D later.

Me: Did it hurt? Them: Did what hurt?
Me: When you fell from somebody's asshole into toilet water, you piece of shit.

how is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"