Security at a bank seen a man that diposit thousand of dollars everyday so he disided to ask that man how do you make so much money man said I make bets, security: well what type of bets, man: I tell people I have 4 balls, Security I don't Believe you, man: You want to bet $100.00, Security well yeah is impossible I think I will win, man ok after closing time ill prove to you that I have 4 balls, security ok, so after the last person walks out the man said hurry up stick your hand in, security hey I won Here i feel two balls, man: ok you won but do you see a couple people up in the tall building I bet them $1,000 each that you will grab my balls.

Guy: i bet i cant touch your boobs without using my hands.
Girl: ok.
*Guy touches girls boobs*
Guy: nope, cant do it.

I think I'm allergic to your face. My dick gets swollen every time I see it.

A man went to an online job interview,
BOSS: Name?
MAN: Jack
BOSS: Age?
MAN: 26
BOSS: Sex?
MAN: 3 times a day.
BOSS: No, your sex?
MAN: Yes, yes. 3 times.
BOSS: Gender!
MAN: Anything , as long as it turns you on.

Apparently if I don't forward a bit of chain mail I received, a dead woman will appear in my room at 1.AM. Guess who's getting laid tonight.

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn comes in to take a piss. Well, the man cant help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised, "bubba, whats your secret?" Bubba says"well, every night before i go to get in bed with a woman i whack my dick on the bedpost three times." So the man decides to try it that very night. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes.up and says"bubba, is that you?"

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

I'm not saying she's a slut but she did get fired from the sperm bank, for drinking on the job.

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "$5".



The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife". The guy looks all confused then asks "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?" The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".