Douche: Hey queer
Me: Sorry I couldn't hear you with all that dick in your mouth...

you know the small dots on your balls, it's your sperm cells trying to escape because they dont want to make another you

Teacher: Your behaviour is unacceptable.
You: Your face is unacceptable.

man* haven't we met before?
woman* Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic

Boy: Which direction did the 5 gay guys walk
Girl: idk get 5 of your friends and walk in that direction

tell your mom to stop wearing blue lipstick she makes my dick look like a smurf

Me: how does it feel to be born on the highway
Friend: what???
Me: well isn't that were accidents happen

Person: This is seat is so hard!
Me: So is my dick, but your mum didn't complain when she sat on it.

Random Idiot: Spell ICUP
Me: I C U P Blood. You should get that checked out, you might have aids.

DOUCHEBAG: hey did you see that 40 year old virgin movie?
ME: IM LOOKING AT HIM