Roses are red Violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you But the Roses are wilting and the Violets are dead the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head

How to make anything sound dirty:
1. Think of a compund word. ex. Butterfly
2. Split the word up and use the first word in the first space. You get the idea.
I'll ___ your ____. Ex. I'll butter your fly

Playing pass with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a ball.

I'm sending the woman I'm dating a drawing of our wedding.
And on the other side of the page her funeral so she knows what her options are.

Man: Is there any way for long life? Doctor: Get married!
Man: Will it help? Doctor: No, but the thought of long life will never come!!!

There are 2 kinds of people on Facebook one who gets a lot of like on their picture and the other are men

Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.

Three drunk men & under drugs, stopped a taxi. The taxi driver figured they were not in their right minds, so he just switched on the engine & switched it off & told them"We arrived ". The 1st man gave him money, the 2nd man said "Thank u" while the 3rd slapped him! The taxi driver got surprised thinking the 3rd guy that slapped him realized the car didn't move an inch, so he asked;"what was That (slap) for?" The drunk man replied "Control your speed next time. U almost killed us.!!!"

Someone started choking in the Starbucks line. It was soooo scary. Thankfully they opened up another register.

Me: What's up?

Friend: Nothing

Me: So you're in a blank ripple of time that consists of absolutely nothing and has no real matter or density?

Friend: Yep