Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:23 in Short  Favorites
You mean so much to me... If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you a bunch and think of you often.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:22 in Short  Favorites
My girlfriend isn't allowed to have candles on her birthday cake. What you wishing for? All your dreams came true when you met me.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:21 in Short  Favorites
Doctor: Do you drink or smoke?
Kid: No
Doctor: *Under his breath* What a loser.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:20 in Short  Favorites
Woman spelt backwards is namow. Namow in Polish means persuasion. What are all women good at? Persuading. Coincidence? I think not.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:19 in Short  Favorites
I hate hipsters. Their smug faces, vegan diet, tiny feet and sawdust bedding. No wait. Hamsters. I hate Hamsters.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:18 in Short  Favorites
A man won the lottery and came home, told his wife,
"Honey, pack your clothes, I won the lottery"
"Oh, where are we going?" she said. The man replied,
"Your going to stay at your mother's house for 2 months."
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:18 in Short  Favorites
Q.What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine.
A. With a porcupine the pricks on the outside.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:16 in Short  Favorites
what do you get when 32 rednecks are in one room???
A set of TEETH!
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:15 in Short  Favorites
Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man's life. Scoring and Ball Security.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:05:15 in Short  Favorites
The most annoying people are those that are in exceptionally good shape at the gym. I'm like, "What are you doing here? You're done.."
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