Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:04:03 in Short  Favorites
I killed a vampire on Halloween this year... or a kid.
Either way, the wooden stake worked.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:04:02 in Short  Favorites
My wife ran off with my best friend and man I sure miss him.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:04:01 in Short  Favorites
Just bought the iPhone 5 because it has a panorama function.

I can now take a picture of my wife.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:04:00 in Short  Favorites
When I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday she said 'Just gimme something with diamonds.' That's why I got her a pack of cards.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:59 in Short  Favorites
Boy and girl: asked the teacher very important question?
"can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"see i told you not to worry!!!!
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:58 in Short  Favorites
Kissing is such a stupid word. Face battle sounds so much better.

"Would you care for a face battle?"

"You may now face battle the bride."
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:58 in Short  Favorites
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:57 in Short  Favorites
Things that I wish were real:
1. Krabby Patties
2. Hogwarts
3. My Girlfriend
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:55 in Short  Favorites
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
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Uploaded on 2014.01.06 02:03:55 in Short  Favorites
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
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