Can't believe I just ran over a cat. Haha, April Fool's everyone!

It was a kid.

*Standing on a high balcony*

Normal person: What a breathtaking view!

Me: I could totaly snipe that guy from here.

"A good friend bails you out of jail, a true friend is sitting next to you saying 'we screwed up... LETS DO IT AGAIN!"

Girl:What's the price of this shirt .

Boy: 5 kisses .

Girl :What's the price of that dress .

Boy:10 kisses .

Girl: pack both of them dad will pay .

Boy : oh f*ck

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Shelly. Shelly was very girly and liked wearing pretty skirts. She wore skirts every day.

One day at school, a young boy named Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym. So Shelly did.

When Shelly got home, she told her mom about her day, and included the part about the jungle gym.

"Shelly, don't do that. He might just be trying to look at your underwear." said her mother.

What the big deal was, Shelly didn't understand.

The next day Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym again. So she did.

Shelly again told her mother about her day, including the jungle gym moment.

"Didn't I tell you, young lady?" fumed her mother. "He just wants to see your underwear!"

"But Mommy, I tricked him," said Shelly. "Today I didn't wear any underwear!"

If a girl ever pulls a knife out on you during an argument, pull out some bread and mayo. Her woman instincts will kick in and she'll make you a sandwich.

I didn't sleep very good last night. So this morning I put Monster energy drinks in my coffee... I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my car.

DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE.
You little rebel, I like you.

teacher: stop intrupting while im talking

Student: you stop talking while im interupting

Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket.
Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.