What did the egg say to the boiling water? It will take a minute
for me to get hard I just got laid by a chick

Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend?

A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!

What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him.....GET AWAY FROM MY NUTS

What is the cheapest meat you can buy?

Deer balls. There under a buck.

I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.

Paul Walker tried to fight a tree, the tree won and got a free car.

Julia Gillard walks into a bar. She says wanna go out sometime
The bartender says yes Miss Gillard
She says f*ck off I wasn't talking to you
The bartender says who were you talking to then
Julia Gillard says the wall

I didn't know Paul Walker had dandruff, apparently they found Head and Shoulders in his dashboard.

Girls say guys are jerks but there favourite artist is lil wayne

What do 1 Direction and Justin Bieber have in common?

The 6 of them can't get a chick to save their lives.