Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.
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I'm trying to have makeup sex but the god damn lipstick keeps breaking off inside me.
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The awkward moment when you're banging your chick doggie style and can't help but notice the butt hole lint.
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I want world peace so bad that I will punch anyone in the face who opposes me.
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what do you get when you cross a hedgehog with an owl? a prick that stays up all night
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Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
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that moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
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I bet nerdy kids in math call their friends Algebros.
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Home is where the wifi connects automatically.
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If I had a dollar for every time my dad questioned my sexuality I would have one badass harley... and some super cute riding boots.
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