Ask this question to someone next time they're drunk or high.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, what's your favorite color in the alphabet?"

Yesterday, I got high and went to Olive Garden.

Waitress: Would you like soup or salad?

Me: What the f*ck is a super salad?

I put Jesus as my background pic & now my phone never dies.

Yup, He's my screen-savior.

Dear McDonalds cashier,

Don't give me that look, there's no age limit on a happy meal.

Sincerely, don't forget the toy b*tch!!

Me: How many teeth do cats have

Friend: I don't know

Me: How many feet do chickens have

Friend: Two

Me: Looks like you know more about cock more than pussy

Friend: Fuck you ????

A boy walked into the classroom. The teacher looked at him. "Where were you?" The teacher asked.

"On top of Blueberry Hill." The boy answered.

Another boy came in a few minutes later. "Where were you?" The teacher asked.

"On top of Blueberry Hill." The boy answered.

A few minutes later, a girl came in. "Lemme guess, you were on top of Blueberry Hill too." The teacher said.

"No, I am Blueberry Hill." The girl answered.

CNN just said the world is forty trillion dollars in debt. Who the f*ck does the world owe? Jupiter?

I told my girlfriend that my mom is old so she needs to speak slowly and loud. Then I told my mom my girlfriend is retarded. They have no idea!

Add a word to ruin a movie:

- Batman Begins College

- The Longest Yard Sale

- Charlottes Web Cam.

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Boy: Hey Beautiful, Can I have your number?
Girl: No, I have a boyfriend.
Boy: But I'm gay, can I have the number now?
Girl: Oh, okay! Here's the number.
Boy: Thanks, I'm not really gay. Ha!
Girl: That's my boyfriends number.