Neil Armstrong was the first human being on the moon.

Neil A. backwards is Alien.

Mind f*cked.

Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?

To do list:

1. Buy a sword

2. Name it Kindness

3. Kill people with Kindness

Me: I bet you can't say the alphabet faster than me.

Friend: challenge accepted A B C D E F G H I....

Me: the alphabet

Friend: you son of a b*tch...

10 interesting facts:

1) you cant say "s" without using your tongue

2) just tried it

3) your grinning

4) you just checked to see if i forgot a number

5) your smiling

7) you didnt notice that I forgot 6)

8) so you check it

9) you think this is a weird "joke"

10) you give it a good rating anyway :)

I asked my girlfriend what movie my dick reminded her of...
She replied, "Chicken Little"

Daughter: Mom, I'm pregnant!

Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don't, and when he touches you vagina, say stop.

Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,"don't, stop, don't, stop.

I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He cried. Then he hugged my sister & me.

I must have a great butt, because every time I finish talking to someone and start to walk away. I hear them whisper 'what an ass'

Jack and Jill went up a hill,

So Jack could lick her candy,

Well Jack got a shock and mouthful of cock,

'Cause Jill's real name was randy.