My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal.
So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!

There were some guys sailing through the ocean. One day the guy in the crows nest yelled down. "Captain 10 ships on the horizon!" The captain says "Bring me my red shirt!" so he puts on his red shirt and the battle ensues. No one gets hurt and they win. The guy from the crows nest asks "Captain why did you want you red shirt?" the captain says " If i get shot you will not see the blood and you will fight on and when!" the guy says "OK cool." two weeks pass by and the guy in the crows nest says " captain 40 ships on the horizon!" the captain say " Bring me my brown pants!"