One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "b*tch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."

The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."

At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."

A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello b*tches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas -- we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"

Pastor: The devil wants to eat your happiness

me:Then he will starve to death

I recently suggested to my wife that she should try masturbating with fruits. She went f*cking bananas.

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing-set in her backyard?
Neither did she.

Girl: How much do you love me?

Boy: E,F,G,H,I,J,K

Girl: What does that mean?

Boy: Entertaining, Gorgeous, Hot, Intelligent

Girl: What does J, K, mean?

Boy: Just Kidding Bitch!

Girl: -_-