Two engineering nerds were walking across their college campus. One of them had a bike:

Nerd 1: Where did you get that bike, man; it looks pretty well made.

Nerd 2: Yesterday I saw a beautiful woman riding this bike in the park, and I winked at her. She came over, threw the bike down, took off her clothes, and said to me 'take what you want'.

Nerd 1: Wow, that's great! Wise choice too! I'm proud of you, dude.

Nerd 2: Why? It was a simple choice.

Nerd 1: Well, I thought it might have been pretty tempting.

Nerd 2: Not at all; I bet the clothes wouldn't have even fit me.

Stop editing your pictures. What if you're missing? How are we going to find you if you look like Beyonce on Facebook, and Waka Flocka in person?

My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal.
So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."