A pregnant woman got shot 3 times and recovered, but the bullets were never found. Later she had triplets, two girls and one boy.



Many years later, the first girl came up to her mom and told about how she peed out a bullet.



The next day the second came up and the mother said, "Lemme guess, you peed out a bullet too." She was right.



The next day her young boy came up to his mom and says, "Mom, I'm so ashamed of what just happened" The mother replied, "Aw, honey, it's alright, your sisters peed out a bullet too, it's nothing to be ashamed of."



"No, that's not it" he said. "I was rubbing myself, and I think I shot the dog"

IMPORTANT NEWS HEADLINES:

21 people were killed in a 21 gun salute,
The head of the lost-and-found was reported missing,
A vegetarian has been beaten to death by a meat packer.
A 107 year-old woman is reported to be pregnant... physicians say that due to her advanced age, she will have a grown-up.
A man has barricaded himself inside his home. However he is not armed, and no-one is paying any attention to him.
A woman was severely injured while she attempted to breast-feed a wildcat.
A high-speed chase ended when the car stopped and the people got out.
An earthquake hit a maternity hospital and 3 people were killed. Luckily, 6 people were born.
A priest who has performed over 300 exorcisms was eaten yesterday by a green boogeyman.
A man who was shot 9 times yesterday and refused treatment... died today... of 9 shots.
Tragedy struck the parade last week when an uncovered manhole claimed the lives of 1200 marchers one at a time...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."



She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"



A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Son: "Hey Mom"

Mom: " What?"

Son: "I like dick"

Mom: "WHAT?!?!?!?!"

Son: "Oh im sorry, i mean Rick"

Mom: "He does have a good dick"

girl: mom is it true that a baby comes out from the place the guy puts in his cock?
mom: yes honey
Girl: OMG so you mean my baby will come out of my mouth???

Dimes are silver,
Nickels are brass,
Why does your face,
Look like your ass?

Me: If I washed my dick would you suck it?

Her: NO!

Me: You dirty cock sucker

What’s green and has wheels?

Grass, I lied about the wheels.

That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer.
Killer: "Turn down that dark road down there."
Rapist: "I was planning on it..."

I think people should stop picking on fat kids.............
They got enough on their plates !