Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out, since they can't see each other signing.



After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.



"Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times."



"Great idea!" the husband signs to her.



Then he thinks about how to make up a signal for her. The "A-ha!" look flashes over his face.



"And if you want to have sex with me," he replies, "reach over and pull on my organ one time. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my organ two hundred and fifty times."

Three desperately ill men go to their docter seeking help. One is and alcoholic, One is a chain smoker and the other is gay. The doctor tells the men if you indulge in any of your habits again you will die. So the three men leave and then the alcoholic sees a bar and hears its loud music and can't resist. He orders a shot of whisky drinks it and suddenly drops down dead the other two men walk out side realising how serious this is, but then the chain smoker sees a half a ciggarette on the ground still burning so the gay guy says to the chain smoker "if you bend over to pick that up were both dead"

Little Jonny thought he was the only one who kept secrets, so he asked his teacher. She said that everyone, even adults had secrets. So Little Jonny went up to his mom and told her he knew here secret, she gave him 20$ and told him not to tell his father. So then Little Jonny went up to his dad, and told him he knew his secret, his dad paid him 50$ and told him not to tell his mother. Little Jonny loving this, he's making tons of money, then he goes outside. The first person he sees is the mailman, Little Jonny says I know your secret. Then the mailman says really!? Come here son!

Me: I stopped a girl from getting raped today.
Friend: Really!? How?
Me: Self control bro, self control.

Once there was an horse.If someone rides on to it and says "Motherf*cker"than it runs like nobody can catch it and to stop it has to say "Bitch".

A man comes up there looking at the horse decides to get a ride so sits on it and says "motherf*cker" than he goes down the hill across the hill suddenly he realized that there was a cliff on the way immediately not stopped then he'll fall from the cliff.

With nervousness he forgets how to stop it somehow he remembers and stop it while the horse back two legs was only on the ground other two were hanging at the edge.

Takes a deep breath and says-Almost died Motherf*cker