A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still f*cking!"

I know 10 facts about you:
Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it. Fact 4: You're smiling. Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again. Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5. Fact 8: You just checked it. Fact 9: You're smiling again. Fact 10: You like this and you're going to rate or comment. :)

One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "b*tch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."

The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."

At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."

A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello b*tches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas -- we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"

Pastor: The devil wants to eat your happiness

me:Then he will starve to death

I recently suggested to my wife that she should try masturbating with fruits. She went f*cking bananas.